May 07, 2014 11:30AM

A Night At The Met Gala Via Riccardo Tisci's Instagram

A peephole into A-List life through the blurry lens of an iPhone.

Givenchy designer Riccardo Tisci was strongly represented on the Met Gala red carpet, most notably with the sheer femme fatale-esuqe sex coat Beyoncé was rolling, and the deconstructed baby swan worn by Naomi Watts; but the good stuff always happens inside an event, which is why we're grateful for serial oversharers like Tisci who provide a peephole into the A-List life via Instagrams.

As per his Instagram account, this is the journey of a night at the Met Gala through the blurry lens of Riccardo Tisci's iPhone.

1. Get red carpet-ready with the undisputed queen of fierce, Naomi Campbell. Be the only non billionaire hotelier to see her in the nude. Stroke her cascading weave once for good luck. (Stroke it twice and she will break your face.) Take obligatory elevator selfie looking fresh to death in chic new tuxedo.

2. Assemble the ladies; ensure Erykah Badu's bespoke embellished Givenchy hat is oversized enough to warrant the description Pharrell Moment in the fashion press; ask bellboy to take unhappy snap. Smiling's not chic.

3. Awkward: Kanye missed the memo on smiling... On the other hand, it's just good to see he's cheered up.

4. Dedicate some hang time to super babes of the late '90s. Be drunk enough that all ensuing photography appears to have been taken with a potato.

5. Take out-of-focus pic of Beyoncé. Note that even out-of-focus Beyoncé is lovelier than most in-focus people on their freaking wedding day. In momentary attention shift, observe Beyoncé's tasteful inner side-boob; make mental note get the number of her personal boob tape artiste for future use.

6. Hang on, Jake Gyllenhaal's here?!? Pretend to listen to Jake's tedious acting prattle ("my craft..") for 15 minutes, making ugh! this guy! eyes at Badu.

7. Gyllenhaal leaves table to shoot deathies at Taylor Swift and take moody sips of bourbon, thank god. Make drunken girl talk with Bey, Janelle Monae and Badu.

8. You are now caught in the rhythm. Take final pic, drop phone in jacket pocket, drape jacket on back of chair. Promptly forget jacket ever existed. Tomorrow an assistant can go get it.

Photos: Riccardo Tisci Instagram