Jun 04, 2014 4:52PM

John Waters Makes Fun Of Fashion

While hosting the CFDA Fashion Awards.

Iconicly filthy director John Waters is a man who knows how to wield a crowd. And having such an effervescent sense of style, he was a natural pick as host of the Council of Fashion Designers of America's (CFDA) Fashion Awards (yes, of Rihanna's dress fame). Always true to himself, Waters swept the floor with the fashion crowd present. Here are some key zingers for you to know, transcribed by NY Magazine.

On the price of fashion:
"In 2015, let's make a blouse sell for more than a car; a coat cost more than a yacht. All we need is one customer to break the glass ceiling of pricing. I mean, when was the actual date that a handbag began costing more than a condo in Queens?"

On what he would hypothetically design:
"My line would be called 'Caught Dead,' as in 'I wouldn't be.' Inspired by the lowest of the low thrift shop outfits that have been left unsold in the bottom of those Value Village bins for at least a year. Think dad jeans in a 44-inch waist with faux bleach stains around the crotch. Women's underarm shields left over from the 50s. Maternity tube tops. Outdated meatball-brown maxi skirts from the 70s. Clothes that even the hippest FIT or Parsons student couldn't wear ironically.

On smiling models:
"I'd introduce my motley new looks during Baltimore Fashion Week, which has been unfairly deemed unsophisticated by some critics just because the models smile like beauty queens walking down the runway, waving to their parents in the audience and yelling, "cheese". So!? Imagine if Comme Des Garçons did this? Wouldn't that be as transgressive as Rick Owens' models "grit facing"? A good mood on the catwalk is positively post-modern these days.

On the trend of aging:
"Tavi Gevinson inspired me by dyeing her hair gray when she was just a kid and causing a sensation. But let's go further. Rihanna, you've got fashion balls, help me out with this new rigorous style. Let's make fun of the generation who came right before you who are beginning to fear aging. Go ahead — be daring. Draw on liver spots and wow 'em on your next red carpet. Feature fake varicose veins with that bikini in Mustique. Cause a real scandal by sketching on Ruth Gordon lips for your fourth Vogue cover."

Classic Waters!