Aug 28, 2014 10:27AM

Sanrio Says Hello Kitty Is NOT A Cat

This can't be happening.
Breaking cute-news from Japan! You might want to sit down. It's been revealed that everyone's favourite 'British' cat, Hello Kitty, is not actually a cat. She may look like and be named after a cat, but she's not. She would have told you herself years ago, but she has no mouth, you see. 
The earth-shattering revelation came when Anthropologist Christine R Yano told the Los Angeles Times, "That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl."
She continues, "She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."
While you're reeling from this news and throwing all meaning and language into question — consider this. The character's designer, Yuko Yamaguchi has confirmed the eternal third-grader's non-cat status by specifying her position as a universal projection of human nature.
Rather than being a animal/human/other, she says, "Kitty looks happy when people are happy. She looks sad when they are sad. For this psychological reason, we thought she shouldn't be tied to any emotion — and that's why she doesn't have a mouth." Sounds very well thought-out and conceptual, but come on now. She has whiskers sticking out of her head. Girl, bye.